The Words from My Dad Which Saved Us as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

But the actual experience quickly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to take a pause - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."